Electric Josh

Let us remember that The Onion predicted the disgusted retirement of football coach Bill Parcells several weeks before he actually retired. "I leave the game and the NFL with nothing but good feelings and gratitude to all the players, coaches and other people that have assisted me in that regard," he said in real life, but I prefer:

"You guys thought I was hard on [my players] to make them better players," Parcells added, "but really I was hard on them because, except for Harry Carson and that one blond guy from the Giants, I hated every man who ever played for me very, very much."