Around junior year of high school, my evil twin brother introduced
me to the music of Slayer, which seemed pretty evil itself. It's
played at such a speed that it's hard for the listener to follow, and
the lyrics are about death and satanic rule and the like. The guitar
solos are played way faster than the guitarists are really capable of
playing, especially on the first five or six albums. The drumming is
lightspeed and excellent. There's a chord called the devil's triad
that's supposed to summon the devil. The comic impact of this music
on an anxious, undersexed teenager is impossible to underestimate. I
loved them instantly. They went right into heavy rotation alongside
Traffic and Aerosmith and the Black Crowes.
The trouble with bands like Slayer is that very few people can ever
be allowed to listen along. The vast majority of people can't or
won't stomach the speed and percussion, and given the quality of most
speed metal outfits this isn't totally unjustified. Among the few who
would be willing to give Slayer a listen, most will take offense at
the lyrics, and again, given the band's casually scary satanism this
isn't completely unexpected. Especially puzzling, though, are the
people who dislike only the "evil" aspect of the band; people who
never listened to Black Sabbath, but preferred the soothing tones of
the Beatles or the Rolling Stones; yet who have no problem with songs
like "Run For Your Life" ("...if you can, little girl..."),
lines like "who the fuck are you?", or albums like "At Their
Satanic Majesties' Request"; people who find the guitars and screaming
to be a little too much, but who thought that "Satisfaction" was the
keenest, most neat-o thing ever to be recorded because, boy, that Mick
Jagger sure was sticking it to the man. To be fair, it was pretty
radical stuff for the early sixties, but this isn't then. Far better,
more "rebellious" music now exists, as it did even by the late
sixties.
I love listening to the oldies stations (to relax, to be soothed)
and hearing station ID's containing soothing, relaxing samples from
"Satisfaction" presented as "the coolest rock and roll of all time" in
a tough, growly voice, as I imagine thousands of middle-aged pinheads
going, "ohh, yeaahh..." in an equally tough, growly voice. It's a
lot like listening to the "modern alternative rock" stations that
popped up all over the place after Nirvana came out, when people in
suits suddenly figured out that there was all this really good
music---basically straight-ahead rock, no keyboards---being played
non-misogynists with their original hair color wearing normal clothes.
Heavy metal with T-shirts and jeans and melody, only heavier and
faster.
It was called "alternative" because it hadn't previously been
possible to hear it on the radio at all. At least a third of the
music on the radio was excellent. Even U2 released their one good
album. Then, after three or four years of amazingly good music all
over the radio, it all turned to crap. In fact, it all turned into
the same crap, with none of the grooves or melody and twice the
irritating self-pity. It became Billy Corgan bitching about having to
live in a giant house in a rich-kid suburb, writing songs that sounded
like suicide notes written by illiterates. It became a bunch of
idiots on heroin 'cause, dude, Kurt and the guy from the Pumpkins took
it. If you don't listen to this "new alternative" music and drive a
giant SUV that your daddy bought you then you're hopelessly
uncool.
I had this idea when my little brothers were babies that I'd
somehow make sure that they ended up with excellent musical taste.
Despite me hardly ever seeing them, this has happened. They're
teenagers, and they keep me in Local H and Weezer. They tell me that
music today is, in fact, largely terrible---that it's not (just) me
aging. Things were this same way in the late 80's, when the Black
Crowes and Guns 'n' Roses were the only halfway decent new bands out
there. The New Kids on the Block have become the Backstreet Boys.
Debbie Gibson has become Britney Spears. Marky Mark has become Kid
Rock. C&C Music Factory has become O-Town.
I cry.
But there is hope. The turn-of-the-century analogues of Jane's
Addiction and Red Hot Chili Peppers are out there right now. Built to
Spill are gonna get huge at some point, maybe. I keep promising
myself I'll go see Scissorfight sometime. Since I'm an idiot, there
are probably about six or seven other bands that are as good as them
that I've likewise never heard of. So punk rock will break again any
day now...
Through all this stupidity Slayer has been completely constant.
About every other year (sometimes more often) they come out with
another album that's about a hundred times better than anything else
that describes itself even peripherally as "metal". They still sing
about death. They still play way too fast. The songs are still
written darkly in minor keys. There's still loads of energy. Like a
friend once joked, "When you hear the triad you know everything's
about to be alright."